Time machine de

Ano hi no boku he ima tsutaetakute

Yume wo kataru mono wo “Anata no me ni

Asu no boku no koto wa utsutte masu ka?”



Yes, that’s not English (it’s Japanese).  They’re lyrics for (and I posted the music video to the song above) a song called “Hello Mr. My Yesterday” by Hundred Percent Free.  That verse (according to online translations) translates out to something like this:

 

Hello Mr. my yesterday, using the time machine

I want to tell the “me” of that day

To you who talk about dreams “Can you see

What will happen to me tomorrow?”


Not nearly as poetic sounding in English, but still a powerful phrase.  Actually the entire song is rather though provoking and beautiful (if not a bit depressing at points).

 

Japanese is obviously not my native language, but that doesn’t mean that music in Japanese can’t evoke powerful feelings in me.  This is the power of music.  I think it has the potential to effect people across cultural and language barriers.  I had no idea what the song meant, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t sense something very powerful about it.  So I looked up the translation and was nearly moved to tears by what the song said.  It effectively summed up all my emotions in one and posed questions that I would never dare to ask myself but that I need to ask myself.  Particularly of this verse:

 

Hello Mr. My Another Way, time machine de

Mirai no boku he hora kiite okure yo

Yume wo suteta mono you “jyuu nen go ni

Boku datte anata wa waraete masu ka?”


Which in English becomes:

 

Hello Mr. My Another Way, using the time machine

I want to ask the “me” of the future

To you who abandoned your dreams “10 years later

Are you, the person who was once me, still smiling?”


When I read that the first time I nearly lost it.  I’m the sort of person who hates crying though, even when I’m alone so I try not to.  I now can’t listen to this song anymore without tearing up because I know what the song’s about.

 

But that one phrase…It’ll get to me every time.  It gets to me because firstly, I’m no longer aware of my dreams.  I used to have some, but now I’m not sure if they’re something that I’d want to do anymore.  I love art and I love drawing.  Honestly I feel it’s the only thing I can do right.  But it’s become such a chore tome that slowly I’m starting to hate it.  I couldn’t do it for money.  For just some small change, sure.  Not in and out every day.  I like art as a hobby.  I like creating stuff, but doing so for money or to please everyone else will most definitely drive me insane.  I don’t want to say that I’d abandon my dream, but I’m not even sure if my dreams are my dreams anymore.  Though at times I’ve contemplated just being a housewife for the purpose of being a housewife.  I don’t want to really deal with any troubles that would be associated with turning a hobby into a job.  I also don’t want to really deal with making money.  In all honesty, I don’t like the concept of money.  Unfortunately I have to deal with it.  I would make a terrible housewife anyways.  I hate children and cleaning.  I like cooking though so that I could deal with.

 

And secondly, because I’m rarely smiling as it is.  Whatever smile I hold is mostly likely usually a mask.  I’ve become quite decent at pretending to be genuinely happy when I’m around other people.  I can smile so long as I’m being distracted by something.  By TV, music, friends…anything.  On my own I can’t find a genuine reason to smile.  If I can’t find a genuine reason to smile know I can’t begin to fathom if I’d be happy 10 years into the future.

 

I think the unfortunate thing is that right now if my 11 year old self were to take that time machine 10 years into the future and meet me, she would be sadly disappointed at how depressed she becomes.  And most she’d be extremely sad to know that I’ve generally given up on just about everything.  I don’t have any faith for the future.

 

Perhaps I will one day.  But for now, I don’t really have any.

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