Archive for August, 2011


Desire…

It’s such an interesting subject.  If not one that was brought to my mind via a interesting show called Kamen Rider OOO.  I’m not gonna get in to that.  This isn’t my other blog.  It’s not the forum for talking about anime or tokusatsu.  But I bring it up because the series deals strongly with the idea and concept of desire.  What it is.  What it means for humans.  Is it good?  Is it bad?  And I finally understand what the series was trying to say about desire.  Desire is neither inherently good nor bad.  But in order for a desire to be worthwhile, it must be something that 1) you don’t take for granted, and 2) can help to better yourself.  Because there are different types of desires and sometimes a poor one can affect us for the worse.

 

What I mean by different types of desires is that there are desires that there are desires that come do us via biology, desires that come to us via substances, and desires we create because we seek to change something about ourselves, our close circle of friends/family/acquaintances, or the world.  That first group can be a double edged sword.  There are plenty of things that we desire biologically.  Food, sleep, sex, etc.  But those are all things that if we allow to control us can result in (at worst) disaster.  Gluttony will negatively affect your health.  Sloth will make it so the world just passes you by.  Lust makes you seek out what cannot fulfill you.  These are desires that if applied in excess can destroy.  The second group is only meant to destroy.  When I say desires that come via substances, I do mean drug and alcohol abuse.  If you have a necessity for such things that’s a problem.  The third is the type of desire every one needs to cultivate.  It’s the sort of desire that we need to trump negative desires in our lives.  It’s weird to say, but the only way to get rid of a negative influence or desire in life having a positive desire (or rather a desire of your own) that’s stronger.  Not one of your body or just a part of you.  A desire that’s all your own to make a difference in yourself or the world.

 

So then what about me?  Well…I don’t really have one.  Well I do…but the unfortunate thing is that my other desires (the ones I tend to detach from myself because they don’t really reflect anything positive) are much stronger.  My desire for everything to be simple.  My desire for instant gratification.  And other similar desires.  Whatever desires I have to actually better myself get lost in the back of my mind.  I recognize the possibility for self-destruction if I don’t “find” a desire of my own.  But to cultivate a personal desire is something that I have no idea how to do…

 

(If you disagree with my take on what desire is I really don’t care ’cause when I apply it to myself, I find it to be true.)

Advertisements

I really don’t…

 

When I started writing this, I was first gonna ponder some stuff I thought up while I was gone.  Some ideas I had to expand my blog and my personal concerns about it.  Which lead to me trashing that post and musing about the differences (or similarities in my case) between realism and pessimism.  Which just lead me to this conclusion.  I just don’t understand optimism.

 

What I mean by that is why I understand the appeal of it, I don’t understand why it’s such a necessary thing.  I consider myself a pessimist by nature.  Because I just find a pessimistic stance on things to be more realistic than the sugar-coated optimistic version.  Optimism is just…confusing.  It seems so natural for me to be pessimistic.  When I just look at the nature of the world, I don’t see how people can be happy all the time about it.  You’re just here in the world.  You didn’t choose your existence.  Your parents selfishly made that decision for you.  And now that you’re here, you’d best be expected to do well for yourself.  If you don’t then you’re just screwed.  If you don’t succeed, you might not be able to live well.  You live in a world run by paper and metal (AKA…money) and as much as people want to pretend that that doesn’t matter, it most certainly does.  Purely because we’re human.  Unlike other animals, we don’t really have built in mechanisms to protect ourselves in nature alone.  We need to buy the materials necessary to help us survive in nature.  Not to mention people have to deal with such depressing issues as politics and religion.  Everyone debating about who’s right and who’s wrong.  Everyone hating each other for such trivial reasons.

 

Do I deny that good things exist?  Of course not.  There’s always good people in the world just as there are bad ones.  But do you really just ignore the bad out there in order to only see the good?  Or down play the bad rather?  I don’t understand why or how people do that.  How you just ignore it all and pretend like it doesn’t exist.  It’s the same for basic aspects of my personal life.  There’s this whole idea in the world that the only way you can even begin to get ahead is if you think positive.  And if that’s the case, then I’ll probably go nowhere.  It’s something I just can’t bring myself to do.  It’s such a chore to begin to do so.  I just don’t see why I should force myself to “believe” things I feel are a lie.  Heh…though I suppose there’d be some person who’d be willing to argue that the way I think right now is the lie.  But really is it?  If I know myself better than anyone else would, how come the way I think now wouldn’t be the truth?

 

Can someone just explain why it is that forcing myself to be optimistic is so great?  If I want to do anything in life to make myself successful, it seems like the only way to do so is to force myself to be completely different than I am now and to force myself to believe things about myself and the nature of life that just aren’t true.  Want to lose weight?  Have to believe that the time, effort, pain, and self-sacrifice is really worth it for a little bit of a longer life (which is a plus but more of a minus).  Want to be successful doing what I want to do?  Then I have to always be confident and happy with what I’m doing.  But more that I have to be happy with it no matter what.  Want to be happy?  Then I have to pretend like everything I find true is a lie…and it isn’t.  Really I just want someone to explain this whole concept of optimism to me.  Why the deuce am I suppose to like life?  Or be happy with it?  Or how am I even suppose to look on the bright side of things when that side doesn’t seem to exist?

Honestly I was gonna write this a few months ago.  And I started to but couldn’t really find all the right words to say or a proper way to phrase what I wanted to say.  So I’m going to give it a shot.

 

This thought has been in my mind for a while.  Homosexuality is a giant topic but that’s not really the reason I thought about this initially.  What really got me thinking about this assumption was a commercial I saw for the TV show Taboo on National Geographic.  The part of the commercial that really got the gears in my mind churning was a woman who claimed that she was in love with inanimate objects.  I had to stop a bit and think that over.  In love with inanimate objects?  How does that even work?  Granted I’m the last person who should be talking about “love” but common sense just tells me that love is an emotion that has to be reciprocated or at least has to have the possibility for it to be reciprocated.  Love is deeper than just looks but if you’re in love with something that can’t reciprocate those feelings, how can you call it love?

 

Let me really explain what I mean.  So let’s say you’re this woman.  And you’ve fallen in love with an inanimate object.  Or at least you say that you’ve fallen in love with it.  Why are you in love with it?  It can’t be because of personality because a wall or some other object doesn’t have one.  It can’t be because of it’s good deeds because an inanimate object can’t do them.  So this woman who claims that she’s in love with walls or whatever (I really don’t know how that works at all…but I don’t really care either) isn’t in love in the least bit.  It’s just physical attraction.  Lust if you will.  The same can be said of human relationships.  It seems like people interchange the concepts of sexual attraction and love so much that we forget that they’re not the same thing.  Sexual attraction is a shallow thing only relating to how someone looks.  And when the looks go, so does that weak concept of “love”.  While looks can factor into love (and let’s face it, for most people they do), that isn’t the only quality of love.  The actual idea of love is much deeper than just a how a person looks.  It’s about their personality, their character, and especially how willing you are to do what’s best for them and want what’s best for them.  I’m sure there’s much more to this idea, but that’s about the best that I can explain it from my limited knowledge.

 

Seriously people…if you’re attracted to someone or something solely for their looks just say so.  Sure it’s completely shallow and devoid of substance but that’s what it is.  It isn’t love.  You don’t love that girl if the only thing you care for are her looks.  And when you’re certain in your mind that you would dump her in a heartbeat if she got some physical injury that left her scarred or gained a little bit of weight, then you clearly don’t love her at all.  You “love” what she looks like.  Same goes for women who only care for handsome men.  And the same goes for gay/lesbian couples too.  The real test is this…are you willing to give all you have for the person you care for, do all you can to protect them, keep them happy, accept them for who they are even with all their faults and/or eccentricities, and also do what’s best for them even if it means letting them go?  If not…you don’t really love them.